Beta Blockers

Today, I gave a violin recital at St. Margaret's Church. It is something that I agreed to do many months ago, and subsequently spent many an hour practising in order to get my chosen pieces up to scratch.

I have been playing the violin since the age of nine. I passed Grade VIII with Distinction; passed A level music with a grade A; read music at King's and got a 2:1:. I am a good violinist. Despite this knowledge--and the qualifications to prove it--I have always suffered from performance nerves. In their most aggressive form, these nerves manifest themselves through both an unsettled stomach and tremors: the latter in particular is very unhelpful for a violinist, where control of the bow is absolutely essential.

So, about a year ago I went to the doctor to share my problem. I told him that my nerves impede the quality of my performance. He did not seem very surprised and very happily prescribed me with Propranolol: a drug that primarily slows down the heart rate, but one which has also been proven to stop tremors; a drug that many musicians take to assist them in conquering their performance nerves.

These drugs have worked a treat for me; although I still get nervous--I still get the knot in my stomach and a dry mouth--the tremors are absent providing I have taken a beta blocker about an hour ahead of my performance.

Chris is unhappy at the thought of me ingesting something that messes around with my heart; he is probably wise to be worried. However, I don't think I could ever do a big solo performance again without taking a beta blocker. It is not an addiction; it is not a placebo; it simply stops me from shaking, and--as a consequence--my public performances actually reflect my ability.

A miracle drug, I believe.